Are you fearful?

As we age, it is not uncommon for us to experience some fears we didn’t have when we were younger. Perhaps we’re afraid our savings, if we have any, will run out before we do. If we rely on our Social Security as many elders do, there is a fear this could be taken away from us. Perhaps we live alone after the death of our spouse or a divorce and find ourselves jumping at every unusual sound we hear.

We could fear the loss of our health, falling, being robbed, our friends and family disowning us….I’m sure you could add to this list in many ways. Earlier today a gay friend of mine says she is now afraid to fly a rainbow flag. For years, she and her spouse have posted political yard signs. They are rethinking whether they will do it this election cycle. She fears possible negative reactions even though she lives in a very progressive part of the country.

There’s a great book you’ve probably read or heard of called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Although this title is helpful, I think there can be a little more said about handling fears and feeling safe as we grow older. Some of the solutions offered by various people don’t always apply equally to those of us who have lived longer.

When we feel fearful, we have a glorious past we can draw on. When did I feel unsafe in the past? What has made me feel fear before? Did I survive the situation? How, what did I do or not do? We can draw on our memories and our past to help inform us of options we might have now. Remembering past fear-inducing situations and how we moved through them can give us strength to handle our present challenges.

A fear-based memory I have that I write about in my autobiography Anything is Possible, is the time I worked in a storefront drug counseling clinic in a potentially unsafe area of town. I was alone in the office during lunch when I heard some people enter the front office. When I went to see who was there, I saw four men lined up in front of me.

They were acting menacing and talking about beating me up and raping me. Of course, I was afraid and started thinking of what I was going to do. I stood there just looking at them when I noticed the strong smell of alcohol and realized they had been drinking and were not exactly stable on their feet. Right behind them was the door that would take me outside to the street and the safety of other people.

I took a deep breath, put my arms and hands out in front of me, pushed them aside, and walked directly between them saying, “You’re so drunk you wouldn’t be able to do anything…” and proceeded to walk right out the front door, held it open and yelled at them to get outside and never come back. Of course, my yelling drew peoples’ attention and the men left. They never came back.

When I feel fear of any kind, I remember this situation. Where did the idea come from to do what I did? What made me think this would work? Where did I get the courage to walk right up to them and push my way through to get outside? And then to hold the door open and instruct them to leave?

This is an extreme example, I know. I also know you have felt fear in your life. You have felt unsafe for various reasons. I also know you found your way through various situations in your life and came out the other side.

Think about how you’ve handled these situations in the past. Grab onto the courage, intuition, and insights this brings you and apply that to current or future such situations that might arise in your life.

Although this might sound simplistic, Susan Jeffers had it right: feel the fear and do it anyway!

Growing older and wiser,

Krysta